02.23.09
Red Flags
Since the New Year, I have been CRAZY busy! Mostly with social things, taking classes, and dating. I have never quite dated in my entire life, as much as I have in the past two months. Let me tell you, it is a TRIP.
I have met mostly cool people, a few I still talk to, but most, I don’t. But I will say, although it hasn’t been very long…I try to take something from each new person as a gift of insight that I may not have seen otherwise.
It’s a hard thing to do…date. It can lift your ego up so much and it feels SO GOOD and just as quickly, it can make you feel like a bug squashed on the ground. I have been told that this is pretty normal when you are “putting yourself out there”.
I have a friend who was influential in my “putting myself out there” and we have become even closer through our sharing of adventures. Plus, she cracks my ass up 
She was in a long-term relationship, her ex broke her heart and within a week her ex was full on into the next relationship! WTF? It was really awful. I couldn’t imagine being in my friend’s shoes. Here I was having issues after a few months of seeing someone and within a couple of weeks after her breakup, my friend was out there dating! I thought to myself “Shit. What the hell am I doing here?” It was like I was waiting around for something to happen and it wasn’t. So I was determined and actively stepped outside my comfort zone
I have also had a lesson in “red flag detection”. I started forming boundaries…true I didn’t always stick to them (I still don’t) but what I did realize was something truly amazing. I learned that my instincts, my deep down feelings, can actually be trusted and listened to.
I saw someone off and on for a few weeks and there were some red flags pretty quickly. I began to have an internal dilemma with myself wondering if what I was feeling was real, or if I was just being sensitive. So I waited. Until I noticed that the amount of red flags were forming into one giant STOP sign! So I decided it was done because I could not see it being healthy in the future. It was a huge step.
This is where “the process” comes into play. “The process” is not easy, or comfy, or even something that everyone wants to face. It is however, essential to growth and moving forward.
So I will continue to try to go with the flow, and not try to control the speed of the current. Not easy. But it is stirring things up a bit. Its exciting! I am curious how this will turn out. I will keep you posted…
Raevn said,
February 23, 2009 at 9:20 am
Hey Cups!
Sounds like you are in a much better headspace and are learning some really valuable things about yourself which is leading you to make conscious choices. That is a fabulous place to be. Congratulations on “the process”. It takes courage to be part of it.
Lots of love!
Raevn
Amanda said,
February 23, 2009 at 9:47 am
yay cups! It’s really awesome to see you in this headspace and watch you grow
) kick ass
Jodi said,
February 25, 2009 at 9:34 am
Hooray!!! Glad to hear you are listening to your inner voice. I had fun hanging out with you the other night. Watch out for those stop signs!
Miss S said,
February 25, 2009 at 7:06 pm
I’m so proud and lucky that I can live vicariously through your dating balls, I mean, how much safer could I be than to bitch about your dates and how awesomely ridiculous some of them have been while I stay cuddled in my cable TV, thanks for sharing;)
Rubes said,
February 25, 2009 at 11:40 pm
Hey Cuppies,
So happy for you…yes just go with the flow, have fun!! But at the same time watch out for those “stop” signs….”yield” is a good thing when uncertain, so “yield” before you reach the green light…then “GO, GO, GO” hahaha! Miss you Cups!
Zach said,
February 26, 2009 at 11:12 am
Enlightening and insightful, thank you for sharing. Sorry for missing our movie/no movie rehearsal and the class. I have been dealing with an emergency for the last couple of days.
I feel bad, I bet I missed some good scenes. but honest it was unavoidable. I hope your week has been progressing well. I’d like to make plans to meet again before class on Monday. I’ll be in contact via satellite voice communications device.